And right now, I need to give myself a talk.
Look at you; you're 26, engaged, and working full time. You were so scared none of these things would happen, you thought you weren't worthy of it. Of course you were worthy, you've worked so hard to prove yourself because of some sort of guilty feeling that you couldn't shake, sourced from the fictitious expectations you assumed everyone had of you. You were so scared of not being good enough that you became anxious and exhausted before you could even try doing what you wanted.
What the hell was that all about?
But you can learn from this. There is so much you can enjoy giving to the world if you just TRY, and it's okay if it isn't perfect because, yes, there is always someone better than that than you, but not a single soul can do it just the way you do. Not a single soul.
So, what's the point in letting things sit for even another day? You have time, you have enough energy. this is about learning to channel that time and energy until it's just second nature for you.
Just let yourself go do something. This is for you. This is worth every moment you spend doing it. You have nothing to lose, and there's no such thing as failure. Just do something every day, no matter how small. You deserve that kind of vibrant love from yourself.
Alright, talk over.
Thanks for anyone who's reading. I want to do more on here. I have some ideas of things I need to do anyways so why not blog it? I'm doubting it'll hurt me lol.
I've noticed that my motivation kindles in short bursts and I want to turn that into something more constant. I know I can do it; I began my full time job with the same low energy and anxiety and was able to turn it into second nature with support, self love, and consistent daily effort. The more I was there, with people who respected me and made me feel joy, the more I could shake the unfounded fear of the irrational and be there. I know it took time, but what makes me so happy is that it's possible. I can be fearless, Just like I dreamed. Before all of this, I wondered if I would even be able to support myself in any way. Was I really raised so spoiled and privileged that I was unsave-ably helpless? The idea began to fulfill itself.
But, that time is simply over! I know myself more and feel more confident. I want to make my past self even more proud by doing what I dreamed of with this confidence.
I also want to take time to thank the new support system I've been lucky to find. From my incredible fiance Julian, to my family, and my coworkers I can truly call my friends. I feel so lucky to have them all in my life and I now know the value of not feeling like you're in this world alone. I can honestly say that each of them have inspired a sort of growth unique to their existence that makes me learn just how worthwhile each person really is on this earth, and they're all worth getting to know in some way. Thank you all.
And lastly, in an effort to keep everyone informed about my life, yes, I am engaged to an amazing guy! His name is Julian and I'm shocked how he's just my highest expectations for a partner achieved, and then some. He and I work together so well, which is great because we literally do work at the same place lol. it's hard to not go on and on about him, but I think that might get a little boring to an outsider. I'll just say he is a very skilled and passionate musician, with a kind and honest heart, who loves to learn about life, and is usually listening to Nirvana, The Beatles, Alice In Chains, or Alan Watts. He's also able to remember actors better than I've ever seen anyone lol. Or maybe I just lack that skill. That's probably the best I can do, being brief.
Thank you everyone who's supported me, visited this blog, and helped me out. Let's make the rest of 2019 awesome!
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